Hey there, friend. Today, we’re diving deep into a game-changer for dealing with stress—we’re chatting about knowing your triggers. It’s all about understanding what pushes your buttons and figuring out how to respond when you get triggered.

Why Knowing Your Triggers Matters

The people we love most are often the ones who can push our buttons the easiest. For me, my daughter, my husband, and my mom are the three people closest to me, and they know exactly how to get a reaction out of me. This can be really frustrating, but if we know what triggers us and practice our responses in advance, we can transform our relationships and our lives.

Real-Life Example: A Mother-Daughter Conflict

Last week, my adult daughter and I both triggered each other, and it wasn’t pretty! Neither of us responded as our best selves,and it left a residue of guilt and shame. This experience highlighted the importance of preparing for these situations in advance. We need to practice holding our boundaries in a calm and grounded manner BEFORE we get triggered.

Responding to Triggers with Empowerment

For those who don’t know, I’m an integrative somatic therapist. Somatic therapy focuses on the whole body’s response to stress. Life is full of stressors and stressful situations. The goal isn’t to eliminate these stressors but to respond to them in a way that doesn’t derail us and leave us with feelings of shame, guilt, and regret like my own situation last week. 

The goal is to respond to triggers in a way that leaves us feeling empowered. I’m not saying we always hit that mark. Last week with my daughter was a total shit show. But having that guiding principle is crucial. It’s about knowing how we want our interactions to be and striving for that, even if we fall short sometimes.

Understanding Triggers

Triggers are SO personal. Just because something is stressful to one person doesn’t mean it will be stressful to you. For example, my husband gets very triggered by idiot drivers, while I could care less. I just mind my business, let people go ahead of me, and drive along listening to my audiobooks.

Identifying Your Triggers

• Take Time to Reflect: Identify the things that regularly irritate you or cause a stress response.
• Look for Patterns: Notice recurring situations that trigger you.
• Understand It’s Natural: Recognize that these patterns are a natural reaction to stressors.

Brain Science Behind Triggers

Since you know I’m equal parts woo-woo, neuroscience, and strategy I always like to explain what’s happening in the brain.  When we get triggered, our brain goes into fight-or-flight mode. This reaction comes from our “old brain” or reptilian brain, responsible for basic survival instincts. This part of our brain is quick, reactive, and emotional, constantly looking for danger and trying to keep us alive.

Our “new brain,” the prefrontal cortex, handles decision-making and self-control. It’s slower and more thoughtful. However, in a crisis, the old brain often takes over, pushing the new brain aside. This is why we might snap at our partner or make impulsive decisions.

Training Your Brain to Respond Differently

The good news is that we can train our brains to respond differently. By knowing what triggers us, we can rehearse our responses in advance. This is a technique I teach with all manifestations—we have to rehearse the experience before we can live it. By practicing, we can engage our new brain more effectively, helping us respond to triggers in a calm and thoughtful way.

Practical Steps to Manage Triggers

1. Identify Your Triggers: Reflect on what regularly irritates or stresses you.
2. Rehearse Your Responses: Practice responding to these triggers in a calm and grounded way.
3. Engage Your Senses: Make your rehearsal vivid and engage your emotions AND senses.
4. Take a Deep Breath: When you feel triggered, take a deep breath and remind yourself of your practiced response.

Final Thoughts

Next time you feel that familiar rise of anger or frustration, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that you have the tools to handle this differently. It’s all about practice and knowing that you won’t always get it right. But with practice, you can respond to the same old stressors in life in a new and empowering way.

Alright, friend. I hope you have a great week. Talk to you soon!